Deliverance
by Laura1
Summary: Faith fights for her life and that of her unborn child. Fourth in a series.


_Introduction ~ _Still needing back-story? Well here's what's happened so far. Buffy turned 25 and was relieved of her sacred duties as slayer. Angel had his soul bound and the two of them got together. Cordelia is married to a Hollywood scriptwriter. Xander is married with twin sons. Willow and Oz are both dead. Giles is also married. Nothing's happened to Wesley, because I don't really like his character and can't be bothered to write about him. Faith and Gunn are together and Faith is pregnant with his baby. Last we saw of the gang they were at Xander's wedding and Cordelia had a vision that a heavily pregnant Faith was in trouble. 

_A/N ~ _Apologies in advance for any errors in medical information etc. I'm not a doctor (yet!). 

_Disclaimer ~ _Surely you know this one by now?

_Email ~_[Laura@dmitchell92.fsnet.co.uk][1]

_Dedication ~ _To everyone who has said nice things about my previous fics and told me to continue to the series. Thanks guys, I love you all. Oh and 'the conversation' is for Kegcider – hope you enjoy. 

Lights danced before Faith's eyes. It was like the most beautiful firework display she had ever seen. All colours of the rainbow flashed and flared, their intensities dazzling. Bright arcs of electricity sparked across her vision, followed by shafts of light and colour like laser beams. And it was all accompanied by the deepest, purest feeling of bliss she had ever experienced. The colours began to brighten. Blues turning to reds, turning to oranges, turning to yellows, until the whole of her visual field was filled with a blinding white light. The bliss turned to panic and everything went black. 

Then the Pain began again. Great waves of it pulsing through her abdomen. With each fresh onslaught of agony she screamed, but her voice had already begun to go hoarse from the strain of her cries. She had been like this for so long now that she couldn't remember anything but the Pain and the intermittent periods of Bliss. Her conscious wouldn't recollect what had come before and she was afraid to contemplate what might come after. She existed only for the present, the Pain at least a reminder that she was still alive. 

In the gaps between the Pain she was briefly aware of her surroundings. She heard voices calling out to one another, she recognised the tone as serious, but couldn't make out the individual words. It was just too hard to concentrate, as soon as she managed to focus on one particular voice, and tried to decipher what it was saying, the Pain would begin again and she would be lost to the world. She forced her eyes open and noticed a ceiling and bright lights above her. Faces hovered in and out of her line of sight, their features blurred. She registered one woman's face gazing down at her, its expression grim. The mouth was moving.

Faith struggled to understand the words, even as the colours started once again to encroach upon her vision. Before the next period of Bliss intruded she was rewarded with a brief moment of clarity. 

"She's seizing again." Faith heard. "We need to get this baby out of her now!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The doctor walked into the waiting room, a grave expression on her face. Buffy watched numbly as Gunn jumped up to speak to her, his frustration at Faith's condition being exhibited as nervous energy. After Cordelia had recovered from her vision, they had rushed back to LA, Buffy making frantic calls on her cell phone every ten minutes, both to the office and to Faith and Gunn's apartment. There was no answer to either number, neither could they reach Wesley. When they had got back to the office, however, they found a note left by Wesley informing them that Faith had collapsed and had been rushed to hospital. A feeling of dread resting in the pit of Buffy's stomach, she, Angel and Cordelia had hurried to the hospital to find Gunn and Wesley anxiously pacing the Emergency Department waiting room. Neither of them knew much more about what was going on than the brief details Wesley had left in his note. 

Since arriving they had sat in silence. No one could find the words to describe the seriousness of the situation and reassurances that everything would be OK merely rang hollow in the wake of Cordelia's vision. Nothing was OK; one of their best friends was in excruciating pain and in danger of losing both her own life and that of her unborn child. It was Gunn Buffy felt most sorry for. Faith was his life, her and the baby his future. If he lost one or both of them then his entire existence would be shattered. Buffy clutched Angel's hand tightly. She knew what it was like to lose your partner, lover, best friend and whole world and she wouldn't wish it upon anyone.

"Well?" Gunn demanded of the doctor. "How is she?"

"Not good I'm afraid." The doctor put on her best sympathetic face. "Are you her husband?"

"What does that matter?" Gunn asked aggressively. 

"Well, confidential information about patients is generally only given out to relatives."

"She hasn't got any relatives. We're her family." Cordelia spoke emotionally.

"Listen lady, just tell us what's wrong with her!" Gunn lost his temper and Angel leapt to his side to calm him.

"Why don't you sit down?" Angel suggested in a soft voice. He led Gunn to one of the hard plastic seats and the younger man held his head in his hands. He sat like that for a few minutes and silence hung heavy in the room. When he finally looked up again, Buffy was shocked to notice tears tracking down his cheeks. 

The doctor came and sat next to him and spoke quietly. "Faith has a condition known as toxaemia. It's quite common in late pregnancy. It's like a form of blood poisoning. That's what's been causing the seizures she's been experiencing."

"What can you do to treat it?" Angel asked.

"The treatment is to deliver the baby. After that the condition usually goes away. As you may know Faith hasn't reached full term in her pregnancy yet, and under normal circumstances we would have liked to let the baby develop further in the womb. However, in situation like this the mother's health takes precedence."

"Just do what you have to do." Gunn said resignedly. 

"We'll have to conduct an emergency caesarean section. At this point the trauma of a normal delivery would be too much for either mother or baby."

"Go ahead." Gunn waved the doctor away.

"Very well. I'll be back as soon as we have more news." She left the room.

The trauma of the past couple of hours suddenly too much for Gunn, he began to sob openly. Cordelia rushed to side and cradled him in her arms, rocking him gently and murmuring soothing words into his ear. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy had volunteered to go to the cafeteria and fetch everybody coffee. There was a vending machine in the ER, which they could have used, but Buffy was desperate to get away from the tension and atmosphere of the waiting room, so she insisted upon a trip to the cafeteria, claiming that vending machine coffee was always horrible and lacking in caffeine. The truth was she had not felt comfortable playing the concerned friend in the hospital waiting room. Sure, she was worried about Faith and didn't want anything bad to happen to her or the baby, but she didn't feel she belonged in the close-knit circle that called themselves Faith's 'family'. 

Since joining Angel Investigations Buffy had come to an understanding with Faith. The two slayers had developed an uneasy friendship, they joked with one another and they worked together. Buffy respected Faith; she admired the way the other woman had turned her life around and she was impressed by Faith's improved slaying skills. In fact, apart from Angel, there was no one else Buffy would rather have backing her up in a fight. But their relationship was a superficial one, scratch beneath the surface and the old resentment and bitterness that existed between them was still to be found. 

As much as it galled Buffy to admit it, she had never completely forgiven Faith for hurting her all those years ago. Faith had victimised her. She had wormed her way into Buffy's life, pretending to be a friend, had learnt Buffy's weak spots and insecurities then had proceeded to exploit them in the most painful way possible. Buffy knew that it was a lot more complicated than this. Faith was mentally ill. All the trauma and rejection in her life had driven her over the edge, preventing her from trusting or loving anyone, until finally she had lost control and lashed out against the very people who were trying to help her. Buffy appreciated all this and even fervently believed that Faith deserved a second chance, after all she had paid for her crimes by going to jail and was now trying to make amends. But a part of Buffy - the petty, childish part - still could not let go of the past. 

She had only spoken about Faith's period of evil and dangerous acts with the other slayer once. This was when Buffy had first come to work at AI and Angel had insisted that the two women work through their differences before things had an opportunity to become unpleasant between them. This had been almost a year ago, yet Buffy remembered every detail of the conversation as if it were yesterday.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Angel shut the door gently behind him, leaving the two slayers alone together. The tension in the room immediately soared as they sat in silence on opposite sides of the room, each desperately avoiding eye contact with the other. Buffy studied the Claddagh ring that she had so recently returned to her finger. _I promised Angel I'd at least make an effort_, she thought. 

"Well, I suppose we'd better start talking then." Buffy suggested in a somewhat frostier tone than she had actually intended.

There was a long pause then Faith started to speak with difficulty. "B…" She began then trailed off.

Buffy glanced up at the other slayer. Faith was sitting curled up in a large leather chair, her knees drawn up to her chin and her arms wrapped around them. Her face was a mask of pain and guilt. The sight surprised Buffy; the woman seated across from her was so unlike the Faith she had known in high school. Her posture was childlike and spoke of an innocence and vulnerability Buffy hadn't known that Faith possessed. She found it difficult to reconcile the Faith she saw now with the brash, extraverted, overconfident girl Buffy had been hurt so much by. Her attitude towards Faith began to soften a little.

"There aren't words to…" Faith was still having problems forming a coherent sentence to say to Buffy. "God! This is so hard." She looked straight over at Buffy, her large brown eyes filled with suffering. "I'm sorry." She said quietly. "And you have every right not to believe me, but I am genuinely sorry."

Buffy met her gaze and held it for a few seconds before Faith looked away in shame. "I believe you." She replied softly. Part of her still wondered what on earth she was doing talking to this bitch from hell that had caused her so much pain. The same part wanted to run across the room and grab hold of Faith and hit her then keep hitting her until she felt every bit of pain and hurt that Buffy had felt after Faith had turned on her. But she didn't, she just sat there and accepted Faith's apologies as genuine, because to do otherwise would be to become as bad as Faith herself. 

Buffy recognised her own dark side. It was that piece of her that was attracted to Angel when he was fighting in his game face. The part of her that had felt satisfaction upon plunging Faith's own dagger into the other slayer's stomach. She channelled this darkness every time she plunged a stake into the heart of a vampire or killed a demon. It was part of her nature as a slayer and thus part of Faith's too. The only difference between the two girls, Buffy realised, was that she could control her dark side whereas Faith could not. 

"I don't expect us to ever be friends again. I know that I've messed that one up permanently," Faith studied the floor as she spoke. "But, I just wanted you to know that I'm trying to make things right again."

Buffy nodded. "It can't be easy." She remembered the guilt Angel felt after his period as Angelus. He had been unable to look her in the eye for weeks afterwards and he had already served his punishment in being sent to Hell by her hand. For Faith to face Buffy now and apologise to her must be extremely difficult for the other slayer, Buffy realised. Especially considering the gravity of the actions she was apologising for. 

"You're taking this very well." Faith looked over at Buffy nervously. "If I were you I think I'd be beating me to a pulp right about now."

"I guess that's where we're different, Faith" Buffy remarked. "If you want to know why I'm not angry at you, it's because I'm past anger. It's been five years. I've grown and I've changed – and I guess so have you. What you did I will never forget.You caused me more pain and anguish than any other person ever has." Faith looked away, ashamed. "But you don't have that power over me anymore. I stopped hating you a long time ago. Now I only feel sorry for you."

A long silence stretched between them. Faith hugged her knees even closer to her chest. "Do you think things will ever be OK between us?" She asked in a small voice.

Buffy thought carefully. Could she find the strength within her to forgive Faith, to forget the past? She had always considered herself to be an understanding and forgiving person. But when faced with the prospect of doing it in reality she was finding old resentments harder to let go of than she would have hoped. Intellectually, she appreciated the reasons Faith had for her behaviour. _God knows how I would have coped if I'd had Faith's life_, Buffy thought. But what she knew in her head to be true didn't change what she felt in her heart. 

"I don't know." She replied in answer to Faith's question. "I want them to be." She said truthfully. "That's all I can offer you for now."

"It's more than I deserve." Faith muttered.

Buffy was still confused over how she felt about them ever being friends again. She had stopped blaming Faith for some of the things she had done and even felt twinges of guilt herself when she considered that the situation might have been avoided had only Buffy done things differently. After all Angel had managed to get through to Faith, so why hadn't she? _Because I hadn't thought her worth saving_, she realised with a jolt. All she had been concerned about was getting her revenge. Never more so than after Faith had awakened from her coma and wreaked havoc in Buffy's body. 

Angel had been right all those years ago. When Buffy had come to LA after Faith, it was not to protect Angel from her as she had so self-righteously claimed; it was to get her own back. To hurt Faith as much as Faith had hurt her. If she had had the opportunity then Buffy would have killed Faith, or at least put her back in the coma she had so recently come out of. This realisation frightened Buffy - that it had been so easy for her to act upon emotion rather than rational thought. She had always prized herself on the control she had over her baser instincts and feelings, such as anger and the drive for revenge. It seemed she was capable of sinking to Faith's level after all. She felt deeply ashamed – how could she sit here being all pious and judging Faith for what she had done, when Buffy knew that she herself had so very nearly started down the same path?

"I'm sorry too." Buffy told the other slayer.

Faith's head jerked upwards at she looked at Buffy with confusion in her eyes. "What for?"

"For not helping you when I had a chance." Buffy answered her. "Maybe if I'd acted differently then…" she paused to think of the right words, "things might have turned out another way."

Faith shook her head. "No. I made the choice and I knew exactly what I was doing. There was nothing anyone could have done to save me from myself."

"Angel managed it." Buffy hesitated. "And maybe if I'd been less self-centred then I could have done too. If I'd stopped to think about what you were going through, rather than how what you were doing was affecting my life. All I cared about was getting rid of the problem, it didn't bother me what happened to you. I stopped seeing you as a person and started to view you as some demon or vampire that had to be slain."

"After what I did to you, I not surprised." Faith looked ashamed. "It was like I was a demon, or something. Like I was possessed by all this dark energy. I couldn't control what I was doing. I just kept hurting and killing and it didn't feel like _me _doing it. I could just watch as this…monster…took over my body. And I enjoyed it at first - the power it gave me – then I began to hate myself. But by then it was too late. I couldn't stop even if I wanted to. I'd thrown away everything that mattered to me and all that was left was the darkness. All I knew how to be was evil." 

She paused and sighed. "Then Angel came along. I looked into his eyes and I saw something I'd never seen before. Something I never thought would exist for me. Understanding. And forgiveness. He was the only one who could have helped me Buffy, because he was the only one who knew what I was going through."

Buffy felt a pang of jealousy at this bond Faith shared with Angel. He would always hide his dark side from Buffy, because he felt she would never understand or accept it. But with Faith there was no question there. He could be open and honest with her about his demonic urges in a way he was too ashamed to be with Buffy. They were connected in a way he and Buffy could never be. 

She looked down at the floor deep in thought. Faith and Angel were essentially the same, they were both seeking repentance for acts they had previously committed and now regretted. If he deserved a second chance then so did Faith. She had forgiven Angel without question for his acts as Angelus, so shouldn't she show the same humility towards Faith. She looked back up at Faith, her decision made.

"I want us to try to be friends again." She told the other woman hesitantly.

Faith met her gaze, surprise and hope in her eyes. "I'd like that."

"And if that's going to be possible then we should make a totally fresh start." Buffy continued. "Try to forget the past. After today, we shouldn't mention any of this again. No point reopening old wounds."

Faith nodded her assent. "Thank you." She added in a quiet voice.

"I just want to know one thing, though." Buffy found herself asking. _This is my last chance to know_, she thought, _the least I can do is ask_. She took a deep breath, then uttered the question she'd wanted the answer to for the past seven years. "Why me? Why did you go to so much trouble to make my life a misery in particular? What did I do to you?" Buffy's face contorted in pain and Faith's expression filled with guilt.

"Nothing." She spoke in almost a whisper. "You were the first real friend I ever had."

"Then why hurt me so much?"

"Because I was jealous of you." Faith looked away. "You had everything I'd always wanted and never had. You had a home, a family, friends, a boyfriend who cared about you more than anything else in the world. Everybody loved you." Her voice became tinged with bitterness. "It wasn't fair. Why did you get to have all that and I didn't? I just wanted to take it all away from you. To make you feel as rejected and alone as I did."

*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy snapped back to the present. She recalled Faith's words. _I just wanted to make you feel as rejected and alone as I did_. The woman who spoke those words was the same woman whom Buffy had resolved to forgive eleven months ago and who was now laying in a hospital bed fighting for her life. She seemed separate from the bold and overconfident Faith that Buffy saw on a daily basis and whom she associated with the girl who had caused her so much hurt six years ago. 

That was why she couldn't truly forgive Faith, Buffy realised. Because she found it difficult to believe that Faith had really changed, when presented with the same character that she associated with causing mayhem and evil. Faith still projected the same external image and personality to the world, it was the interior that had changed and because Buffy had tried to keep things surface and superficial between them, she never really saw the real Faith. The few glimpses she'd had of Faith's true feelings, like during that first conversation and when Faith found out she was pregnant, had led Buffy to begin to like the other slayer and certainly to feel an empathy for her. But Faith was a private individual and such personal revelations were rare. Then in between them she would act as brass and insensitive as she had ever been, so that Buffy's heart would harden towards her again.

_Well, no more_, Buffy resolved. It was only her own shortsightedness that was preventing her from forgiving Faith and was perhaps robbing her of a valuable friendship with the other slayer. She knew in her heart that Faith had changed; now it was time to acknowledge the fact and move on. Faith needed her help and support more than ever now. She had let Faith down in the past, now it was time to make up for it. She balanced the five cappuccinos she had bought precariously on a tray and added some snack foods for good measure. She had a feeling it was going to be a long night and they would all need the extra energy.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When she got back to the waiting room, she found the group their embroiled in an argument, led by Gunn. 

"We can't just sit here doing nothing!" He paced back and forth. "We should be doing _something_. Trying to help her." 

"There's nothing we can do, Gunn." Angel told him in a reasonable voice. "She's sick, we just have to let the doctors help her."

"No!" The younger man insisted. "She's strong, she doesn't get sick. Someone's done this to her!"

"Now it's not going to do anyone any good making rash accusations like that." Wesley chimed in.

"But, Cordelia had a vision. And that usually means something supernatural is going on." Gunn argued.

"Maybe not this time." Wesley told him softly. "Since Cordelia acquired the power of the visions she's become much more empathic. She's now attuned to when people are in trouble. Especially when it concerns someone close to her. Maybe she just sensed that Faith was in danger and that brought on the vision."

"I thought my visions were sent by the PTB." Cordelia commented.

"They were at first." Wesley replied. "The gift was new to you, and the powers had to help you develop it. But now you've made the gift your own. You truly are a 'seer', which means you can sense things that other people are unaware of, like the fact that Faith was in trouble." He paused briefly then continued. "Did you see or feel anything supernatural in your vision?"

Cordy shook her head. "No. I just saw Faith was in great pain. Then I felt some of the pain. It seemed to radiate from her stomach. No presence of demons or magic or anything."

There was silence as the group digested the meaning of her words. 

"So, she really is just sick?" Gunn asked in a small voice. "And there's nothing any of us can do to help her."

"This is her fight." Angel replied. "Only she can win it."

Wesley looked grave. "All we can do is hope and pray."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Faith screamed as the contraction ripped through her. The muscles of her abdomen rippled and contorted as her body struggled to expel the baby that was slowly killing it. Once the pain of the contraction faded, Faith could think again. She looked around her with frightened eyes, every instinct telling her to fight, run, anything. But where could she run to in order to escape pain that was coming from inside her own body? She bucked off the bed as another contraction came. They were almost constant now; she even missed the oblivion that the seizures had brought with them. 

She sensed herself moving and her mind erupted into panic as she realised she was not initiating the movement herself. She thrashed about the bed, moving her arms and legs wildly, until she felt strong hands holding her down. She screamed again, but this time in fear not pain. _I'm dying_, she realised. A cool palm caressed her forehead and a soft voice spoke in her ear.

"Shush, it'll soon be over."

Faith managed one last coherent thought before her world turned to darkness. _Please, no._

_ _

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Cordelia sat in the awkward silence of the waiting room, trying to focus on the insignificant details of the situation. The waiting room chairs were so uncomfortable. _You'd think a hospital would know better_, she thought, _sitting in these chairs for any length of time could do serious damage to a person's posture_. She looked down at her empty coffee cup longingly; it had been surprisingly good for a hospital cafeteria. _Mind you, considering how long Buffy spent fetching it she probably went to Starbucks to get it_. Cordy frowned; this was not working at all. She was usually really good at emptying her mind of the important things. She could push those worries right out of her head and concentrate on this season's fashions, or who was doing it with who in Hollywood. But not tonight. Tonight she could thing about only one thing. Faith.

Cordelia couldn't shake the memory of the vision she had had earlier that evening. It had been so vivid. She had even felt Faith's pain, and it had been agonising. Just the few brief seconds they had shared an existence had left Cordy crying in pain. What it must be like for Faith, to be experiencing that pain constantly, she couldn't even imagine. Cordelia's heart went out to the other woman. When she had told the doctor earlier that she considered herself and the others from AI to be Faith's family she had been speaking the truth. If someone had told her five years ago that she would one day consider Faith as a sister then she would have laughed in their face, but truth was often stranger than fiction and here she was sitting in a hospital waiting room, paralysed with concern over the welfare of the other woman. She smiled slightly to herself. If the same person had also told her she would get a job working for a vampire and be plagued with head-splitting visions on a near weekly basis, she wouldn't have believed that either.

Cordelia glanced over at Buffy, safely ensconced in Angel's strong embrace. If it was strange that Cordelia was here worrying about Faith's welfare then how much stranger was it that Buffy was here also. Cordelia had had problem enough accepting and forgiving Faith and the worst the rogue slayer had ever done to her was elbow her in the face. Buffy had been victim to so much more abuse from Faith and yet she still found it in her heart to become friends again with the other woman. Cordelia admired her for that, even though she was not entirely convinced that Buffy had completely forgiven Faith, no matter how much everybody tried to pretend that she had. 

Cordy cast her mind back over the past year, since Buffy had arrived at Angel Investigations. Things had been difficult between her and the blonde slayer at first. She and Buffy had never got along very well even in high school. Then years of Cordelia watching Angel mope over Buffy and having to pick up the pieces after each time she breezed in and out of his life, had only intensified Cordy's dislike of the other woman. For several months after Buffy and Angel had got back together again Cordelia was still convinced that it would somehow go wrong. That Buffy would leave and Angel would go into maxi-brood mode for the next ten years, thus effectively ruining the pleasant working environment that Cordy had worked so hard to cultivate. But a whole eleven months later they were still together and Angel was looking the happiest Cordelia had ever seen him. So, gradually Cordy had renewed her friendship with Buffy and started to find she actually liked the other woman. It was nice to have another close girlfriend. She didn't have many of these in LA, unless you counted Faith and she wasn't exactly the type to do girly stuff like shopping with.

Cordelia felt a pang of worry when her thoughts returned to Faith. She remembered when the other woman had first discovered she was pregnant. She had been so worried and scared about having the baby. That she wouldn't make a suitable mother or that she wouldn't be able to love her child. But Cordelia had seen the barely disguised hope shining in her eyes when Faith had spoken about having a baby. This was her chance to have a proper future, to finally find happiness for herself – _and now it's all going wrong_, Cordelia thought sadly. 

Faith had not dealt with her pregnancy well. She had refused to stop slaying until well into her fifth month, despite everyone's efforts to talk her out of it. They had tried keeping the details of Cordelia's visions secret from Faith, so that she wouldn't come along on Angel's missions, but she simply went patrolling instead. Eventually, she was assigned a 24-hour guard (usually Gunn) to ensure that at least she wasn't in danger on her patrols. She resented this invasion into her privacy and how it limited her independence and many heated arguments resulted. She didn't suffer from morning sickness and didn't even start to show until she was sixth months pregnant. So, in her mind there was nothing different about her body and, hence, no reason why she should stop slaying. 

Then one day after a particularly passionate quarrel with Gunn she stormed out and went to tackle a nest of vampires by herself. One kicked her in the stomach and put her in considerable pain. She managed to make it back to the office then collapsed into tears terrified that she was losing the baby. A quick trip to the doctors verified that everything was fine and from that day onwards she had agreed to take things a little easier, much to everyone's relief. When she reached her third trimester of pregnancy it became even more important that she rest and not take on too much strenuous activity, as her blood pressure began to soar and she started to gain weight rapidly. 

All that lounging about the office doing nothing had sent Faith stir crazy, however, and the atmosphere at work had become increasingly fraught. So much so, in fact, that Cordelia had been counting the days until Faith's due date. Cordy recalled from her calculations that the baby was now coming a month early, something she would have normally been grateful for, but not in these circumstances. She wondered how Faith was doing and whether they had delivered the baby yet. It had been over an hour since the doctor had come in and told them Faith would have to undergo an emergency caesarean. She just hoped everything was all right.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Faith awoke to find herself in a woodland glade. The first thing she registered was that the pain was gone. _I must be dead_, she thought calmly. She looked around her. The canopy of the woodland was not dense and sunlight dappled the forest floor. She could hear birds singing in the trees. _Is this heaven? _She wondered then decided that it could not be. With her life history it was certainly not heaven she would be going to when she died. It couldn't be hell either, she determined, unless her eternal torment was supposed to take the form of an impromptu nature walk. 

She hugged herself to keep warm in the chill of the shady wood, then realised what she was wearing. Instead of the hospital gown she vaguely remembered being bundled into, she was instead wearing a tight T-shirt and a pair of jeans. Jeans that fit snugly, round her completely flat stomach. _What's going on_, she thought. _What happened to the baby? And where am I?_

She heard a noise behind her and whirled around to see Buffy standing there. Faith was overwhelmed with relief at seeing someone familiar, so rushed to her friend's side.

"Hey, Buffy!" She cried. "Boy, am I glad to see you -"

Buffy interrupted her, however, by grabbing her arm and pulling her deeper into the forest. "Come on," the blonde slayer spoke insistently. "We have to run." She broke into a jog. "Can't stop."

Faith ran after Buffy as she led them through the trees, which seemed to be growing taller and closer together and had less sunlight penetrating through them. Their surroundings became darker and darker and the ground they were running over more and more uneven. _Maybe this is hell after all,_ Faith joked to herself.She started to have trouble seeing where she was going and tripped over tree routes several times. Buffy, however, seemed to be having no problem, so Faith tried to follow in her exact footsteps. But she still stumbled even though she was treading the same ground. 

They ran for what seemed like miles, until Faith began to tire. Her muscles ached and she stopped gasping for breath. Buffy stopped next to her concerned.

"We have to go on. You can't stop now."

"I can't carry on." Faith struggled to answer her, in between taking in large lungfuls of air. "I'm too tired."

"You have to, there's no choice." Buffy sounded angry.

"I can't." Faith murmured weakly, collapsing to the floor, suddenly completely devoid of energy.

Buffy dragged her forcibly to her feet and slapped her across the face. "You're weak, you know that. Weak and pathetic." Her features contorted with hatred as she yelled at Faith.

"What's going on?" Faith asked in small voice. "Why are you doing this to me?"

Buffy allowed Faith to drop back to the ground. "It's for your own good," she said dispassionately.

"I thought you were my friend." Faith looked up at Buffy accusingly.

"I'm trying, but you have to help me." Buffy knelt down beside the other slayer, her earlier anger now gone. 

Faith nodded. "I will, but I can't run anymore."

"Then we'll have to leave you behind."

"What about the baby?" She was suddenly worried. "What's going to happen to it?"

"Don't worry, we'll look after her." A familiar voice came from behind Faith and she turned to see Angel emerge from the darkness. "She is your legacy," he continued. "The hope for the new dawn."

Buffy moved to Angel's side and took his hand. "We have to go now," she addressed Faith.

"Go where?" 

"Out there." Buffy indicated with her hand and Faith turned back around to see that where there once had been a mass of trees now stood the edge of the forest.Beyond the wood lay acres of meadow, bathed in beautiful summer sunshine. Buffy and Angel walked out into the sunshine together holding hands.

"But, how…?" Faith trailed off, unsure as to whether she was asking how the scene could change so suddenly, or how it was possible Angel was standing out in direct sunlight without bursting into flames. Both she supposed.

"What's meant to be will happen." Buffy called out to her before the two of them were gone.

Completely and utterly exhausted, Faith sank heavily to the ground, leaning her back against the trunk of a nearby tree. She wanted to follow Buffy and Angel into the sunshine, but somehow she couldn't find the energy to do so. Instead she just sat there alone in the wood. Despair filled her heart, but she was too tired to even cry. She shut her eyes, for what she only intended to be a minute, but when she reopened them she found that the scene around her had shifted again and she was now back in the darkest depths of the wood. This time, however, she was not alone. Gunn sat at her side.

"Hey, baby." Faith said in relief and reached for his hand.

He entwined his fingers tightly with hers and leant over to kiss her hungrily. She responded slightly less enthusiastically, still confused as to what was going on. When they separated she searched his eyes for an explanation but found only pain and sorrow there. 

"What's wrong?" She asked, her voice uncertain.

Gunn cupped her cheek in his hand and tears began to well in his eyes. "I love you," he told her, his voice breaking as he spoke.

"I love you too." Faith replied, her confusion rapidly turning to concern. "Is something wrong?" She asked. "Is it the baby? Because Angel said -"

Gunn, seemingly unhearing of her words, interrupted her. "Don't leave me." He implored, the hurt in his expression causing Faith's heart to break.

"I'm not going to leave you. I love you." She pulled her to him in an embrace.

"You promise?" He spoke in a childlike voice, his words muffled by her hair.

"I promise." 

They held the embrace for several minutes; Faith allowing Gunn's strong body to support her aching tired one. Then she moved to lie down on the forest floor, pulling Gunn down with her. She altered her position so that her head was snuggled up against his broad chest then fell soundly asleep, wrapped tightly in her lover's arms.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gunn stared blankly at the opposite of the waiting room, his eyes seeing but his mind never really registering the faded and tattered public information posters that hung there. He must have read the one about AIDS twenty times now, he realised, and a single word of the writing on it was yet to go in. His brain was paralysed with worry. He couldn't think of anything but Faith. Nothing else in the world mattered to him now. Not even the baby. Of course, he would be devastated if the baby did die, but if Faith died then his life would be over. If she didn't survive…well, he couldn't even contemplate the possibility. 

He remembered the first time he'd met Faith. He'd seen so much fire in her soul. She was just filled with energy and life. And there had been a sparkle to her eye when she teased Cordelia or Wesley. It was that sparkle, and the wicked grin that followed when her teasing had had its desired effects that Gunn had first been attracted to. Then he had found out about Faith's history – the period she spent being evil, how she decided to change, the prison sentence she had served as a first step towards redemption – and he had seen a different side to her. He had witnessed her vulnerability and guilt and began to understand her desperate need to help others. That was when he had fallen in love with her. 

But, he remembered with irony, she hadn't been interested in him. It had been Angel she wanted, Angel she loved. He was her saviour. He had pulled her back from the brink of self-destruction and given her a second chance at life. For that he would always hold a special place in Faith's heart. It was only after Angel had rejected her and she ran away that she and Gunn first came together. He found her sitting depressed in a bar and persuaded her to return to Angel Investigations. It had not been an easy task, he recalled. She was embarrassed and hurt. She had suffered many rejections in the past and this latest one, by the person she admired and cared for most, was especially hard to take. 

Eventually Gunn had talked her round. She swallowed her pride and came back to talk to Angel. The vampire had explained his feelings to her. He cared about Faith deeply, he told her, they could never be lovers but they would always be friends. Faith had accepted this and in time had come to realise that her feeling for Angel stemmed more from hero worship than any real connection between the two of them. It was in these early days that she and Gunn had first got into the habit of doing the routine patrols together, whilst Angel and Wesley dealt with the trickier assignments that resulted from Cordelia's visions. Then a demon they had fought on one patrol managed to give Gunn a broken arm before Faith sliced its head off. She had rushed over to where he sat collapsed on the floor to check on his welfare, the concern she felt evident in her expression. Gunn instantly forgot the pain in his arm and leant up to kiss her. She returned the kiss before hauling him to his feet and half-dragging, half-carrying him to the nearest hospital. Their relationship simply progressed from there.

Things had been great between them. It wasn't the smoothest partnership you could imagine. Faith was like a wild tiger – impossible to tame – and being with her was an emotional roller coaster ride. One minute they would be yelling profanities at each other, the next they would be kissing passionately. Gunn loved the excitement and unpredictability of it all. With Faith you never knew what was coming next, but whatever it was you knew it would be thrilling. 

Then Faith had gotten pregnant. It had shattered both their worlds. The passionate, but ultimately casual, relationship they had so far been enjoying had been forced to change. It had been scary at first. Gunn had worried that their relationship, which so far had mainly been based upon the phenomenal sexual chemistry between the two of them, would not stand up to the strain of bringing a child into the world. But they had soon come to realise that underneath all the passion and lust they felt for one another was a much more solid basis of love and caring. They had settled their relationship into a much calmer routine and had even moved into together. They still fought, but the fights were more good-natured arguments rather than the screaming matches they had had before.

In the nearly eight months since Faith had discovered she was pregnant, she had become much more than just a girlfriend to Gunn. She was now his other half. She was his best friend, his moral supporter and most steadfast defender. It was her he looked to for love and affection, her he both laughed and cried with. Her warm presence he came home to every evening. He was no longer whole without her and there was no way he could face losing her now. 

A small sound to his right alerted him to the door of the waiting room opening. He jerked his head up and twisted round to see who had come in. It was the same lady doctor as spoke to them before. The expression on her face was serious and Gunn felt the cold hand of fear clamp around his heart. He wanted to stand to greet the doctor, but not trusting his legs, which had just turned to jelly, he stayed seated. His eyes followed the path of the doctor across the room as she walked towards him, past the worried faces of his friends. 

"I've got good news," she smiled upon she reaching Gunn. A collective sigh echoed through the room, as each person present let out the breath they had been unconsciously holding. "Faith came through the surgery well and you are now the father of a beautiful baby girl." She continued.

Gunn let his head drop into his hands as relief flooded through him. It was followed almost immediately by excitement then apprehension. He had been so worried about Faith he hadn't stopped to think about the baby. He was a father! Of a little baby girl. It was simultaneously the most wonderful and the most frightening thing that had ever happened to him. He lifted his head again, a huge grin spreading across his face.

"Can I see them?" He asked. _Them_, he thought. _Myfamily._

_ _

The doctor nodded. "Faith's still recovering from the anaesthetic, but I can take you to see your daughter." She paused. "I have to warn you though, that she's in an incubator. This is just because she's a little premature and we're worried about her breathing. But she should be fine."

Gunn let the doctor's words wash over him. He didn't care about the details, as long as Faith and the baby were OK that was all that mattered to him.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Angel watched Gunn and the doctor leave the room and felt some of the tension of the past few hours seep out of him. The relief he felt that Faith would be all right couldn't be expressed in words. Angel knew that life could be and usually was cruel. That Faith had worked hard to change her ways and repent for her acts, that she didn't deserve to die in excruciating pain and to have her one chance of happiness snatched away from her at the last minute, wouldn't make any difference to fate. Bad things happened to good people. It wasn't fair but that was the way of the world. Angel had seen, and inflicted, enough hurt and suffering in his long existence to know that. This was why he was so thankful for the night's happy ending. He was well aware it could so easily have ended differently. 

He put his arm around Buffy and kissed her on the forehead. _So many things could have ended differently_, he thought. He really was luckier than he deserved to be, but he wasn't complaining. Happiness was such a fleeting, insubstantial thing, which was so easily lost that he was determined to make the most of it when he had it. He checked his watch and smiled broadly. 

"Looks like we have two birthday girls." He remarked.

Cordelia gave him a sharp look. "Do you think you could leave the cryptic comments for some time when we're not all exhausted and emotionally traumatised, and have slightly more chance of deciphering them?" She grumbled at him.

"It's 2a.m." Angel explained. "Which means it's Buffy's birthday as well as Faith's daughter's. Or am I the only one who remembered?"

Buffy smiled up at him. "You get special boyfriend bonus points for that." She turned to the others. "But you aren't exactly blamed for forgetting. It even slipped my mind until Angel mentioned it. After all, there were rather more important things going on." She paused then grinned brightly. "I couldn't have asked for a better present, though."

"We should get home now we know everything is OK." Angel suggested. "Then we can come back tomorrow and see Faith when she's feeling better."

"A excellent idea. It is rather late." Wesley said, mid-yawn.

"I'll just tell Gunn we're going." Cordelia slipped out of the room. 

Angel and Buffy followed at a more leisurely pace, Buffy snaking her arm around is waist and leaning against his shoulder as they walked. Angel bowed his head towards hers and whispered suggestively in her ear. "I can't wait to get you home, then we can _celebrate_ your birthday."

She smiled and whispered back to him. "Sounds great, but it's a _double_ celebration, remember?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Buffy managed to rise early the next morning, despite staying up extremely late the night before. She put it down to too many years of nightly world saveage followed by school the next day. She met Cordelia, Wesley and Gunn at the hospital, Angel sending his best wishes but being unable to join them due to the restrictions to his movements during daylight hours. Gunn was exhausted having been there all night, so Cordelia ordered him home to rest. Buffy had to laugh at this; Cordy really did have supreme mothering instincts. It was just a shame she worried too much about what pregnancy would do to her figure to actually have kids herself. She would make a good baby sitter for Faith, though, once she had got over the ick factor that accompanied changing diapers. 

Cordelia and Wesley opted to go and see the baby first, who was still in the hospital's neonatal unit, whilst Buffy went to speak to Faith alone. Buffy felt a rush of guilt and shock when she went in to see Faith. The other woman looked so pale and ill. The last time Buffy had seen her like that was nearly eight years ago, when she had put Faith in a coma. Buffy felt strange, this was the first time she had recalled that incident at graduation without feelings of anger or resentment. Before she had always felt that Faith deserved to be put in that coma. Now Buffy just felt sad and a little guilty over what she had been forced to do. She no longer blamed Faith for her own actions and those she had caused Buffy to take. Buffy recognised that this was a sign she had begun to properly forgive her sister slayer. 

She walked over to the bed and took Faith's hand. "How you feeling?" She asked. 

Faith smiled weakly. "Five by five," she joked. 

Buffy smiled back. "It was pretty touch and go there for a while." 

"Yeah, I know. The doctors told me. I guess I should consider myself lucky." 

"You are lucky." Buffy told her quietly.

Faith thought about it for a moment then grinned. "Yeah. And once the feeling I've been hit by a train disappears then I'll start to appreciate life a bit more."

"Have they let you see her yet?" Buffy asked, changing the subject.

Faith nodded, pride shining from her eyes. "They brought her in here soon after I woke up. I was making such a fuss about it that they kinda had to. She's so beautiful, B." Faith's voice filled with emotion. "So tiny and perfect. Definitely worth all the pain."

Buffy squeezed her hand. "Have you decided on a name yet?"

Faith smiled briefly. "Hope," she answered. "It just seemed appropriate, what with my name and her representing new hope for the future." She laughed to herself briefly, looking embarrassed at her words. "Look at me being all deep and meaningful," she scoffed. "It must be a side-effect of all those drugs they've given me."

"I think it's a perfect name." Buffy said softly. 

Silence stretched between the two women, which Faith struggled to break. "Um, B…" She started then broke off. Buffy waited for her to speak, sensing she had something important to say. "Would you do something for me?" Faith continued. "A favour, I mean. I know it's a lot to ask after everything that's happened between us in the past but…"

"It's OK Faith, carry on." Buffy prompted as the other woman trailed off again.

"Would you be Hope's godmother?" Faith rushed out. "It's not like I'm religious or anything, so you wouldn't be a _god_mother in the strictest sense. It's just that I realise that I don't lead the safest or most stable of lives, so I might not always be around to look after Hope. And I couldn't think of anyone I could trust more than you to look after her if I…can't." She paused to study Buffy's reaction. "I know it's a lot to think about," she said uncertainly. "You don't have to answer right away."

Buffy smiled broadly. "Of course I'm going to answer right away. I'd be honoured to be Hope's godmother."

"Really?" Faith looked astounded at Buffy's response. "I wanted to ask Angel to be godfather as well," she continued. "But I thought I'd probably have to work up to that one."

"I'll talk to him about it." Buffy promised. She was about to leave when she considered there was one last issue to be broached between her and Faith. "Faith," she began hesitantly. "About what's happened between us in the past…"

Faith looked away, ashamed. 

"I just wanted to say," Buffy carried on. "That that's all it is - the past. I may have had some issues with it over the past year," she admitted. "But now I'm over it. As far as I'm concerned this is a new beginning. OK?"

"A new beginning." Faith repeated softly. "I think I like the sound of that."

THE END

A/N ~ Sorry if I confused anyone with Faith's cryptic dream sequence. I'm clearly not as good at these things as Joss is. It was meant to be symbolic as well as prophetic – a subtle hint as to what I'd like to do with this series in the future. I want to continue writing this, and lots of feedback would definitely help with my motivation. J Finally, thank you for reading!

   [1]: mailto:Laura@dmitchell92.fsnet.co.uk



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